Many things in life were putting pressure on Emma. Her husband just changed jobs and was spending less and less time with her, but is excelling in his new role. Their 9 year old son was getting in trouble at school, her bosses boss was away and this lead to more pressure on her immediate boss and subsequently Emma. Her boss often raised his voice and was very stern with her and he constantly was adding to her workload to offset his own. This added work saw Emma making simple mistakes, and she thought other people in the company were also putting pressure on her to hold her weight in the team.
While she knew she had the capacity and capability, the stress was starting to take its toll. Emma was getting headaches and feeling very overwhelmed – so she did what Emma does with stress… she put her head down and waited it out. She didn’t tell anyone she was feeling overwhelmed.
She didn’t complain.
She took and took and took.
When she was asked by a work colleague if she was OK, she spoke in long, rambling sentences that skirted around the issue, or simply with a couple of words of affirmation.
You see – Emma has a Stress Coping strategy of Passive. She would rather stay quiet than cause waves. She doesn’t like and isn’t comfortable with confrontation or conflict. She ‘swallows’ her anger and frustration and often times gets taken advantage of and walked over by others. To others, Emma is sometimes seen as lacking confidence. And under stress, this is probably true.
In stress conditions, she doesn’t make much eye contact, her posture is somewhat slouched and she often wrings her hands in anticipation.When she does have to talk to someone, her sentences often start with “I’m sorry..” or “I wouldn’t normally say something…”
On the inside, Emma has feelings of self-doubt and worthlessness. She worries about making a bad impression or others not liking her. She doesn’t feel like she has a right to express herself or say no to the demands being put on her.
You see – this Passive Coping style isn’t really helping Emma. If anything, it is keeping her held back and hurting. Often times, this passive style builds up on the inside until the person explodes with aggression – and if this is a predominant way of living, this person becomes the people pleaser – putting others needs before their own and a loss of self esteem.
As with most Meta Programs – this can be altered and changed. Generally we find that there are beliefs in a person’s life which uphold this Meta Program. And, in order to change this strategy, some of those beliefs need to be addressed.
Do you know someone who is Passive under stress? Perhaps it is yourself?
Next: we will investigate the Aggressive coping style.