How many perfectionists do we have out there reading this? I’ll bet there are a whole bunch! I say this, because the world is full of them!
Perfectionism is one of those traits or behaviors that fully encroach and block the ability to be truly confident. In the 12 years I’ve been working with individuals, I am yet to meet a perfectionist who does the perfectionist thing because “it makes me happyâ€. Nope. Rather, “it needs to be perfect so other people will know I’m goodâ€. Its for “themâ€; and too often, there really isn’t a “themâ€.
So, what happens if “they†don’t notice how good you are? Or, what happens if you really can’t get it “perfect†– because that is more often the case than not… how about if you do a great job and someone else does even better than you?
Is it possible to be confident and care so much about what other people think?
No.
I have a client who is awesome at his job. He constantly over delivers, over works and over extends himself. By the end of the week he is exhausted and doesn’t have enough energy for himself. And, while he’s recovering from his week, his mind is already on how he can do more and do better next week.
Why does he do this? Because if he can prove to other people that he can do his work perfectly then they will: respect him, appreciate him, approve of him, like him.
Sure, I want people to like the work that I do. But, the work that I do isn’t linked to my identiy. For people who are perfectionists, what they are doing is intrinsically linked to who they are.
This would mean, if I were a chef and who I am is linked to the food that I cook – if you don’t like my food, you don’t like me.
Ouch. That’s a bit harsh isn’t it?
If I could eradicate the globe of just one behavior that I think is harmful, it would be perfectionism. In NLP we have a presupposition that says “you are doing the best you can with the resources you have available†– this means just that. If you are doing a project at work, you’re going to do it to the best of your abilities, because you can. You’re not going to do a half-assed job if you have more resources – you’re going to do a good job. And, that good job can be good enough.
We all know people who will take a 30 minute job and spend 2 hours on it because its not “right yetâ€. Sometimes 90% is good enough, after all, 90% is still an A!
Next time that perfectionist moment hits you, step back.  Remember, whatever it is – a project, a report, a cake, a clean toilet, a piece of art, an email, a letter, dinner – whatever – that thing that you are doing isn’t you. It doesn’t have anything to do with you as a person. Step into the state of “I don’t give a shit about what you think about meâ€, because its not about you… step into the state of confidence in you and your competence to do the best job that you can do in that moment.
And, a B is still “better than averageâ€!