It has always been interesting to me when two people are in a heated argument about something – there generally isn’t a win/win proposition at the end of the day. Think about it, usually its “I’m right and you are wrong†coming from both parties – hence the fight in the first place! And, when you put two head strong people together, there can be friction. But, what if you could ease the tension and change the scenario? It only takes one person in an argument to change the tempo.
In most instances an argument occurs because two people (or more) have different ideas or points of view. And, when people hold onto their points of view and they are being told they are wrong or they have to give up their way of tinking, the traditional state a person gets into is a very defensive one. Defensiveness can be very destructive – emotionally, physically and morally.
Furthermore, when we have only a choice between 2 things there can be a dilemma – especially if we want our way or want/need to be right. When, however, a third or even fourth option can come into play, now we have real choice! So here’s the question to ask when you are at that crossroads – “what could another option be?â€.
This simple spin is an example of reframing, of looking at something from another point of view. If you can encourage the other person in your argument to identify a third option, then you have an open frame to identify a fourth – and there is a greater chance that you can both come up with a solution/answer/opportunity that can actually be a win/win for everyone involved!
Hi Heidi
Argument or disagreement, I am of the view that both Argument/disagreement have a similarity that being, a disgreement & a choice are quite easy to be involed in whreas an argument & a decision are in the hard area. SO that arguments can & are often not really relative to the catalyst but are disguises of a deeper unresolved /unspoken issue.
You’re right Frank! Finding that place of decision is more challenging than choice. When a person can be involved in an arguement and keep their mind, wits and emotions in check, there is a lot more of a chance that a decision can be made.