Can you imagine if you had the same values and beliefs and aspirations as when you were four years old? How about ten? Twenty? Maybe some of the things you wanted then are still relevant, but not all… this is because our maps change.
We each have a map of our world – this tells us where we are going, where we’ve been, what we want, what is important to us, what we will and won’t stand for. This map was and is continually created by our surroundings, the people in our lives, our education, financial standing, location, etc. I can guarantee you that living in a busy city like Sydney, Australia creates a different map for me as compared to living in a slow paced place like near a beach in Tahiti.
Our maps are changeable.
Millions of years ago it was thought that the earth was made up of just one continent, the supercontinent of Paglia… and over time, the map changed. Maps change.
Perhaps you’ve heard of brain placicity? If not, have a look for a book called “The Brain that Changes Itselfâ€. Our brain is forever changing, the past is the past – the future hasn’t yet happened and life takes us on a journey that we’re not always expecting. As you know – its not what happens to us in life, its how we handle what has happened.
One of my current coaching clients is going through a separation with his wife that is likely to end in divorce; he doesn’t really understand what has happened and keeps saying “she’s not the same person I marriedâ€. No, she’s not. Life has happened. And somewhere along the way, she changed. Actually, there is a great saying “people don’t change, they become more of who they really are†(said by Dr. Heidi herself!) – and I truly do believe that.
Our maps change – they take us on different paths, we learn new things, overcome challenges, fall in love, fall out of love, start and end things – and everything helps to mold and create a map.
The challenge of all of this is – how do you manage your expectations about another persons map when it changes? The ultimate answer – you support, love and hold in high regard the person and the map they have and will have. You can’t push anyone or anything toward you – anytime you try, you’re pushing them away.
Remember – you are not who you were when you were 4 years old, and in 10 years you will not be who you are today. You, like me, like all of us are a work in progress.