I was chatting to a friend the other day who proclaims that she is the ‘everything to everyone’ person at work – and frankly, she’s tired of it. Who can blame her? Well, actually… after years and years of being this ‘go-to’ person, years of being everything to everyone, years of knowing everything, doing a great job, being counted on, being counted for, being accountable for well, most likely everything she decided she was accountable for – we can actually blame  her.

 Is that fair?

Well, it is life. She is now in a state of trying to gain balance in her work life. I’d like to say ‘regain’, but my guess is she never had it before. For the 20ish years that I’ve known her, she’s always been a go-getter, putting other peoples needs above her own, enjoying the kudos that come from being everyone’s everything.  (I happen to have to have this same thing from time to time! Really!) So ultimately, I could easily say she’s been working on her own path of least resistance.  

The other day at work, she finally had it and she ‘snapped’. She all of the sudden decided (very unconsciously) to let the people around her knew that she had had enough! She no longer wanted to be responsible for their jobs, she didn’t want to be the go-to for everything, she wanted to just do her job and be good at it. In reality, she was a bit snippy with someone – no yelling or ranting actually happened… yet, in her mind, it did.

Remember NLPers, The Map is not the Territory

She said that ‘snapping’ wasn’t like her and she didn’t like the behaviour and she felt horrible about it. Yet – remember, every behaviour has a positive intention. Her ‘snap’ was about getting balance and being able to step away from the added pressure that she put on herself. She said, ‘but that’s not me’… then who is it?

I’m sure we all have had moments where we step back and say that same thing, ‘that’s not me’… but  we all have different parts of us right? And parts are not necessarily a bad thing. This part of my friend was finally saying (out loud), enough is enough! This part was finally taking a stand, in HER corner! And then she felt bad about it! 

Here’s the lesson as I see it: In the past few years, there has probably been many moments when she has had the same feeling of ‘I don’t want to be everything to everyone anymore!”, but she hasn’t done anything about it.

Additionally, maybe she has beliefs like “if it needs to be done right, I’ll have to do it”, or “ no one can do this as good as me”, and even some ego based beliefs like “what would this place do without me?!”. 

This is where having ‘parts’ isn’t necessarily a good thing – 2 parts pulling us in different directions. And, in my friends case, the part that has all of the beliefs and feels good about being everything to everyone, WINS. Constantly. And that element of winning is draining.

Yet, I’m sure the other part, in its little voice has been trying to get her attention for years! And finally – it has! And that my friends, is a breakthrough!

This is a moment to be celebrated!

The mind and body are connected and therefore affect each other. Her mind momentarily (unconsciously) took over her body and did something. She stood up for herself! No – not her ‘normal’ behaviour, but a behaviour that was going to come one way or another if she kept ignoring that part.

Personally, I’m glad she snapped! Some people never snap externally, they do it internally. They do it with high blood pressure, ulcers, heart attacks. An external validation of this means one significant thing: other people know about it now!

And, other people knowing about it means that FINALLY there is a chance to do something about it. Perhaps my friend will re-unite with herself and meet the worker that is great at her job and great at letting others be great at theirs too. And MAYBE my friend will find a great balance within her work to be even more balanced in other areas of life.

How exciting is that possibility!

So, the next time you have one of those ‘but that’s not me’ moments… stop for a sec and think – but if it were a part of you, what would that part want from you, and how can you work with that part to satisfy its needs?  

And, well before that part rears its ugly head – when you feel or hear those little messages from yourself (some would call this intuition), how can you acknowledge and do something about it?  Being able to listen to ourselves and answer ourselves is a wonderful gift that we have!

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