Can you think of an emotion that stops people in their tracks? An emotion that makes people turn and run away? A feeling that people want to avoid so much that it causes them to not even attempt something?
I know people who won’t even start a relationship because of the fear that it will end. I know people who won’t change jobs because they fear the interview process. I know people who fear being wrong so they won’t make a decision. I know people who won’t step one foot out of bounds for fear of never getting back in bounds.
So the question becomes, why is fear so fearful?
What happens if you hurt yourself? What happens if it goes wrong? What happen if you mess up? What happens if people laugh at you? What happens if you can’t do it? What happens if you succeed? What happens if you become successful?
Fear. It freezes people at the core, makes them run faster than if there were are real demon chasing them and stops people for being the absolute best they can be.
Have you heard of the acronym of fear: False Expectations Appearing Real.
Yet, so many people also mistake it for: Forget Everything and Run.
What if, instead of being something to be fearful of – fear could become a friend and ally?
What?! A friend and ally?!
Yes – exactly that.
Remember two things about the unconscious mind:
- one of the jobs of your unconscious mind is to keep you safe
- your unconscious mind knows only good
If you can remember these two things, we can then reframe fear in a very useful way. Fear is often a warning signal from the unconscious telling us that we are on the brink of possibly being unsafe. Possibly, being the key word here. Not that we ARE unsafe, but that it is possible.
If I’m nearing the edge of a cliff, I want my emotional safety warning system to be activated and keep me away from the edge. If I am procrastinating on a big project, I want my warning system to be activated to push me into momentum. But, if I’m not actually in danger of some sort, I want to use the emotion of fear that I notice to activate me to look at what my unconscious mind is trying to communicate to me.
Instead of freezing in my tracks or running away, this is a great time to stop and take notice. Ask yourself: what is this fear trying to communicate to me?
Often, fear is trying to get us to look at what we are missing. Have you thought of everything? Do you need more information? Having this time to pause and relook at what you are doing is a great opportunity to grow and make amendments as needed.
Sometimes, when you do pause and evaluate you will find that everything is lined up, you do have the information you need and you are on the right track. At this time, you can move forward with assurance that you have indeed done all you can do.
Remember – every emotion is useful in some context. Fear isn’t always what it seems to be.
Maybe friend can be your friend and ally.  What would that be like?
Great article Heidi – it is often said that those who stand out in life are the people who have learned to conquor their fears – I prefer your concept and like to think they have embraced their fears as a friend and ally
Thanks Des – I think that conquering fear implies fighting and there is enough of that already in the world!!! – Heidi