Have you ever had the experience of wanting something but because you don’t have it instantly you stop or give up? Do you ever get impatient with what you are doing because its not happening quickly enough?
I hear this all the time – “if I can’t have it now, I’ll never have it.” – and you know what, with that attitude, you are right!
You know as well as I do that nothing significant happens instantly. And, most people I know wouldn’t be happy if it did. There seems to be some sort of ‘universal’ belief that if I didn’t work for it, it doesn’t count. Yet, that is so counter intuitive of “I want it now”.
After all, good things come to those who wait, right?
I was recently working with a friend who really has a well formed desired state, but she gives up before the goal is realised. We were talking the other day (well, I was asking questions) and one of the key things she said is “I need it all done now”. This seemed to be a pattern at work, at home, in health – just about everything. She would be motivated to start a project, but after a while (sometimes a few days sometimes a few weeks) because the project was still ongoing she would lose motivation and stop.
There are a few questions in NLP Land they are: what are you best/worst at – starting, finishing or changing. For her, she is best at starting and worst at finishing. One of the drivers that create this is her need for instant gratification.
We tracked this pattern back into her childhood, as an only child she was given what she wanted when she wanted it. How cool would that be for a kid! However, for an adult, it sucks. She never really learned how to be patient, consistent and persistent.
Results of any kind need these three factors – patience, consistency and persistence.
Without all three factors “failure” is imminent.
Interestingly, I asked my friend what she would tell a child who was impatient and demanding of immediate results. Her first answer, “I would tell her to stop being a spoiled brat!” I think this is really interesting because if a lack of patience comes from ‘somewhere’ then there is a part of us that is impatient, and possibly very accurately being a young child acting like a spoiled brat!
The resources she shared with the young girl were the knowledge that she needed to work to get what she wanted, she needed to slow down and she needed to be consistent, and of course, she needed to stop being a spoiled brat.
What if you modeled this? Next time you have that need for instant gratification, when you are impatient or when you are about to stop because you are not seeing results – what would happen if you reminded yourself of these things – you have to work to get what you need, slow down and be consistent. And, if it helps – tell that little kid inside who is stomping their feet, holding their breath and throwing a tantrum to stop being a spoiled brat.
After all, achieving meaningful results can lead us to even more than we can dream of and propel us to a meaningful life.