Confidence. It is one of those elusive emotions that some people exude, we all want, some people fake, others bask in it and some folks will spend their lifetimes looking for. Is there a recipe for confidence? I actually think that there is…
I have a friend that apologises for everything. She is sorry that I was late because I couldn’t find her house, she apologises because the pizza that I brought is now cold, she is sorry because it was a cold day and I didn’t wear a jacket. I’m sure that if I stepped on her foot she would apologise for that too.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about confidence lately – and asking people about what confidence is to them; here is a few of the things I’ve heard:
- Confidence is knowing that you can do something with ease
- Confidence is about getting things right
- Confidence is having the ability to say what you want, when you want to
While these things could be correct, they could also be classified as “competence†and competence is not the same as confidence.
So, what is confidence?
Let’s take a really simple example involving liquid courage. You know, when a person has a couple of drinks to take the edge off. Why are they doing that? It brings down inhibitions and people are less likely to care what other people think. I work with a lot of clients who, when on the dating scene, need a bit of liquid courage to ask a girl out, talk to someone of the opposite sex, etc. Ultimately, this is a confidence builder.
Now, I’m not by any means recommending liquid courage as a confidence booster – just an illustration of what many people do, and a demonstration about what confidence is.
Let me ask you a question – when you are confident, how much do you care what other people think? Are you even thinking about what other people think? Probably not. If I am confident about something, I just am. My thoughts are on the person in front of me, the task at hand or just ‘now’. I’m externally focused on the moment.
Now, think about a time when you were lacking confidence – where were your thoughts? Were they along the lines of “what if I mess up, what will people think?†or “what if they don’t like what I’ve created?†or even worse “what if they don’t like meâ€.
Last week, I put up a Facebook status that is a quote, I’m not sure who said it, but it got so many “likes†in just a few short hours, here it is: “One of the greatest journeys in life is overcoming insecurity and learning to truly not give a shit.â€
This, I think is the key to confidence – not giving a shit about what other people think. Life, after all is about how well I do with my skills, abilities and talents, its not a contest with other people.
Over the course of July, I will be writing a few posts about confidence and boosting your confidence – actually, learning how to not give a shit; yet with maintaining sensory acuity! This is truly a gift.
In the meantime, what are some areas of your life that boosting your confidence will make a difference?