Have you ever felt stuck because you felt you didn’t have a choice about something? Or perhaps stuck because the choice you have are both unsatisfactory?

Every day we are faced with choices. So many choices in fact that it would be virtually impossible to list them all. What to wear, what to eat, what to do…. they are the minor decisions.

In my NLP Coaching practice I often work with people who are ‘stuck’ – and it normally comes down to one of two things: 1) only one option or 2) only two unsatisfactory options. In NLP we have a presupposition that says Choice is better than no choice. Also, NLP suggests that:

If we have only one option we feel cornered, with two options we have a dilemma, but with three or more options we have a choice.

Whatever the situation we always – always – have options available to us and sometimes we are simply stuck because we haven’t yet considered other alternatives.

A few weeks ago I worked with a man who felt very stuck in his life. He was in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere, a job that he didn’t like and his behaviors were getting very self destructive with excessive drinking and negative self talk. When we were discussing his relationship and his job it became very clear that he was ‘stuck’ in one-way thinking that he had no alternatives, no choices and no way of either making them better or getting out of them.

With some well timed questions, he got to a place where he could see some options – and most likely he had identified these before. For both his relationship and job, the options were: stay or go. Neither option was satisfying, fulfilling or useful for him. When faced with just these two options he explained that the ‘weight was even heavier’ – so for him, his path of least resistance was to stay with “there is nothing I can do”.

So, I did what any good NLPer does. I asked more questions.  We talked about his values, his good memories, his goals, his desires, his options. And by this stage he had options. Boy howdy did he have options! In both situations he could talk to his partner or boss and suggest changes, he could learn new skills, he could seek guidance from a coach, therapist or mentor, he could start shifting his attitudes and behaviors to match what he wanted, he could create a clear idea of what he wants his relationship and career to be like and communicate both, he could… you get the picture.

By the time he left my office an hour later he had CHOICE and he had a plan of what to do. Choice, when looked at in the ‘right’ way can be empowering, fulfilling and freeing!

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